As a young rabbi studying in Kolel, Rabbi Shmuel Kaplan was asked to help counsel a struggling teenager navigating severe mental health issues. The young girl was corresponding with the Lubavitcher Rebbe and Rabbi Shmuel’s job was to explain the Rebbe’s written responses to her. Rabbi Shmuel remembers the turning point for this young girl when she was finally able to climb out of her darkness.
She had written a particularly anguished letter to the Rebbe, and the Rebbe had responded to her at length. Amongst other things, the Rebbe wrote to her that he empathizes with her and that he feels her pain. The young girl wrote back, “I don’t believe you. How can you feel my pain? You’re not going through what I’m going through.”
Within two hours, she received a response. “When you will merit to grow up and marry, G-d willing, you will have a child,” the Rebbe wrote. “At around a year, your baby will begin to start teething. The teething process is very painful for the child, and they will cry incessantly. You’re going to hear your child’s cry and you will feel their pain because a mother feels their child’s pain as their own.”
The Rebbe concluded, “Kach Ani margish tzara’ah,” (this is how I feel your pain). This powerful story highlights the difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy is feeling bad for someone. Empathy is feeling bad with someone. I’m reminded of this distinction by an interesting Rashi found in the beginning of the parshah.
Rashi explains the language of tzav as extra encouragement to fulfill the commandment with alacrity. He quotes Rav Shimon bar Yochai who elaborates that this language is used when it comes to a loss of money, meaning the Torah uses this language to counter one’s instinct of holding onto their money. A korban olah is completely burnt, and the owners do not partake in any of it.
Therefore, there’s a special ziruz, encouragement, associated with this korban, with the language of Tzav. The commentaries pose a simple question. The commandment here is to Aaron, not the owners of the sacrifices. Why would Aaron be worried about a monetary loss that was not his? Perhaps the answer is that this is the first time in Sefer Vayikra that Hashem is directly speaking to Aaron regarding the Korbanos.
Aaron was the paradigm of kindness and caring. He was ohev shalom verodef shalom. This came from Aaron’s unique ability to truly empathize with his fellow man. He was able to put himself in their shoes to see things from their perspective. So it was Aaron who needed to hear the words tzav. Even though there’s a loss of money for the owners, which Aaron would feel acutely, he should still act with alacrity when bringing the Korban.
This is the power of empathy, and this is what touched the young girl’s heart, and was able to lift her spirits. Hearing that the Rebbe not only listened to her pain, but felt it, not only understood it, but internalized it, and that gave her the strength to move forward. Feeling bad with someone as opposed to for someone is how we step into their shoes, empowering them with our presence alongside their journey of life.
Wishing you a wonderful Shabbos.
