A young man from Bnei Brak became disenchanted with his Yiddishkeit. He threw everything away, and was engaged to be married out of the faith. After returning home to tell his parents of his decision, his father invited him for Shabbat and suggested an afternoon class with Rav Aaron Leib Steinman.
Despite his general feelings about Yiddishkeit, he agreed to join. After the class, his father brought him to Rav Steinman to say good shabbos.
The father explained to the rav where his son was holding in life. How long have you not been keeping shabbos? Rav Steinman asked him gently. 2 years, replied the young man.
And have you ever had a hirhur teshuvah a pang of regret? A feeling that you want to return back to roots?
Yes, actually, The boy admitted. 4 times. Although they only lasted about ten minutes each.
Rav Steinman looked at the young man thoughtfully and remarked: In the past 2 years, you spent 40 minutes on the level of a baal teshuva. You were in a place that even tzadikim don’t reach. Of that, I am jealous, concluded Rav Steinman.
The Rav’s words had a profound impact on the young man, and he eventually returned to a life of Torah and mitzvos.
He later explained to his father why he had even agreed to go to Rav Steinman’s shiur. When we were kids in Cheder, Rav Steinman came to test us. He asked us all easy questions so as not to embarrass anyone. But when my turn came, I Didn’t know the answer. So he asked me an even easier question. But again I didn’t know the answer. This happened a third time as well. I was utterly dejected.
Each boy who had answered their question had received a candy, and I was the only student who did not get one.
Rav Steinman called me over after the test and said: in Yiddishkeit, we reward the effort put into Torah and mitzvot, not just the results. Every boy received a candy because they answered their question; I’m giving you three candies because you tried to answer three questions…
I’m reminded of this story by the opening rashi on this week’s parshah. The posuk says Im bechukosai teleychu, (if you follow in my statutes). Rashi explains that this refers to ameilim betorah. to toiling and exerting effort into the study of Torah.
When it Comes to connecting with hashem and following in his ways, it’s not only our actions that matter, our effort and investment have value as well.
Result-oriented learning would make us think that learning is only a means to an end and that the value is in the result. But when it comes to Torah, training our earthly minds to appreciate the divine design is a form of transcendence, making us more G-dly and more holy.
This is what made such an impression on the young man: that when it comes to Torah and mitzvos, the effort that we put in is a mitzvah in itself. Every stage of the process is holy, meaningful, and transformative.
Learning Torah is not only about how much you remember and know, but about the effort you put in to learn and grow.
Wishing you a wonderful Shabbos.
