A Chassid once proudly shared with the chidushei harim, the first gerer Rebbe, his child’s advanced behavior. “My young son takes potatoes and rope and ties them around his arm and head as makeshift tefillin,” boasted the Chassid. “He walks around the house and prays fervently with his potato tefillin. What does the Rebbe think of my son’s practice?” The chidushei harim replied pointedly, “I think it means that his father needs to start davening in shul with a minyan.”
I’m reminded of this story by a powerful thought I once heard about the famous narrative of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza. A prominent man threw a lavish party to which he invited his friend, a certain Kamtza.
However, Bar Kamtza, a man with whom he was sworn enemies, mistakenly received the invite. When Bar Kamtza arrived, he was promptly kicked out of the party to his great embarrassment. Deeply hurt by this public slight and observing that none of the sages in attendance stood up to save him from his humiliation, he vowed to take revenge. He traveled to Rome and declared that the Jews were rebelling against the emperor. It was his actions that sparked the churban of bayis sheini.
The Gemara in gittin declares it was because of Kamtza and Bar Kamtza that the Beis hamikdash was destroyed. Now we can understand why Bar Kamtza was guilty. It was his actions that directly led the Romans to descend onto Yerushalayim.
But what did Kamtza do wrong? He never even received his invitation. I once heard the following beautiful explanation. The Kamtza mentioned here as the culprit, as the one responsible for the churban, was not the same Kamtza who was invited to the party. It was Kamtza who was the father of Bar Kamtza.
You see, the Gemara is telling us. A vindictive man like Bar Kamtza, who took a personal slight and made it his mission to punish the entirety of klal Yisrael, is not born in a vacuum.
Such behavior and attitudes are curated and caused by the home in which one is raised. Bar Kamtza must have observed this vengeful, hateful behavior in Kamtza, his father.
So it was not only Bar Kamtza who was to blame for the churban, but his father Kamtza as well. It was Bar Kamtza’s actions that caused the destruction, and it was Kamtza who shaped his character. Our children listen not only to what we say, but to what we do. Our actions and reactions are what make the greatest impression.
Much like the gerer chasid’s young son, who emulated his father’s behavior, Bar Bar Kamtza acted the way his father Kamtza would have acted.
In the words of Rabbi Sacks, values are caught, not taught. Our children are constantly observing us, but they listen most to who we are. Wishing you a wonderful Shabbos.
