A traveling Hasidic master, along with his entourage, found themselves stranded in the forest. Shabbos was approaching and they had no place to stay. In the distance, they saw a home, and with a prayer on their lips, they knocked on the door. To their relief, it was a Jewish home, and when they asked if they could stay for Shabbos, the host agreed, only if they would pay for their meal and lodgings.
The price he quoted them was exorbitant, but they had no choice. All through Shabbos, the host was pleasant enough and the guests made sure to get their money’s worth. They enjoyed their time to the fullest. At the conclusion of Shabbos, as the guests prepared to leave, the host hands them their pouches and returns all the money they had given him.
Seeing their confusion, he explained, “You see, I wanted to make sure you would enjoy your Shabbos to the fullest. If you would feel like you were burdening me by unexpectedly showing up at the last minute, you wouldn’t feel comfortable and take advantage of the accommodations and the food. I made you ‘pay’ so that you would truly enjoy everything I had to offer you.
I wanted you to have the best possible Shabbos experience.”
This story reminds me of a powerful episode in this week’s Parshah. When Reuven finds the dudaim, the jasmine plant that increases fertility, he brings it to his mother, Leah. And when Rochel sees this, she asks to have some. Leah becomes very upset and blows up.
“Is it not enough that you take my husband from me? You also want to take the dudaim plant from me?”
Hold it. This sounds so strange. Where could this resentment be coming from? We know from the earlier narrative that it was in fact Rochel who was supposed to marry Yaakov, but Lavan steps in at the last moment and switches her for Leah.
How could Leah be upset at Rochel for taking her husband? If anything it was the opposite. Leah was the one that took Rochel’s place under the chuppah as a part of Lavan’s scheme against Yaakov. The Midrash gives us additional background to the story. Yaakov knew that Lavan was a con artist, and he suspected that Lavan would try to trick him.
He therefore set up designated signs with Rochel to ensure that it would in fact be Rochel under the chuppah and not anyone else. What were the signs? The Midrash explains it was the three mitzvahs that are unique to Jewish women. Shabbos candles, separation of challah, and family purity. Rochel, knowing that Leah would be outed as the wrong girl, decides to give her the signs so that she would not be embarrassed under the chuppah.
However, if we examine the narrative, we may uncover something profoundly moving. Rochel indeed told her the signs, but she didn’t tell her sister that they were the signs. She shared the three mitzvahs with her sister, but in passing conversation. She didn’t want to tell Leah that Yaakov really wished to marry her, and that these were in fact signs to make sure that he didn’t end up marrying anyone else.
So she communicated the signs without saying they were signs. She didn’t want Leah to feel inferior, shamed, or secondary. Indeed, when Yaakov asked Leah what the three signs that are unique to Jewish women are, she knew the answer. What she did not know was that these were signs that Yaakov established to ensure he would marry Rochel.
This is why Leah was able to be upset with Rochel. She never knew what Rochel had done for her. Rochel’s sensitivity allowed Leah to think that she was in fact who Yaakov intended to marry. Rochel did not just save her sister from embarrassment. She gave her dignity. Rochel’s largesse of spirit and empathy teaches us not only the importance of giving, but the importance of how to give.
It’s how we give that makes what we give so much more impactful. It’s the sensitivity we display and the empathy we convey that can be the most powerful light to another’s plight. Wishing you a wonderful Shabbos.
