Parashas Chayei Sara
There’s a fascinating tale told in the Gemara Baba Metziah about Rav Yochanan, who was exceedingly handsome. One day, he was out at the river outside of town bathing. In the distance, stood Reish Lakish, who at the time was a gangster and a highwayman. From afar, Reish Lakish mistook Rav Yochanan for a woman, and with incredible energy and alacrity, he jumped right into the river, only to realize that it was in fact Rav Yochanan.
Disappointed, Reish Lakesh turned to Rabbi Yochanan, “Your beauty would be better suited for a woman.” Rabbi Yochanan replied, “And your strength would be better utilized in the beis midrash” And Rabbi Yochanan continued, “If you do come back with me and study, I will give you my sister’s hand in marriage, who is even more beautiful than I.”
Sure enough, this is how a highway robber came to be one of the greatest sages in the Talmud. Reish Lakish and Rabbi Yochanan became brothers in law, contemporaries, and study partners. At a later point in time, they were studying together, and the topic of various metals which would be susceptible to ritual impurity came up. In an attempt to gain further clarity on the different types of metal, Rabbi Yochanan turned to Reish Lakish and remarked, “You’ would know the topic well, as you’ve dealt with these metals in your weaponry when you were a highwayman.”
Reish Lakish was very distraught at the comment. He felt that Rabbi Yochanan was insinuating that his identity was still that of a gangster. He became very discouraged. When Rabbi Yochanan realized how Reish Lakish had taken his words, he became offended and their relationship soured. The question that remains in the story is why indeed would Rabbi Yochanan bring up Reish Lakish’s past?
We know there’s a prohibition to remind a baal teshuva of their past behavior. How could Rabbi Yochanan say something to Reish Lakish which would remind him of his sinful past? Perhaps we can understand this by looking in the Pasuk found in our Parsha, “Veavraham zaken ba bayamim” (and Avraham came with all of his days).
The Zohar comments that he came with all his days means that he was proud of each and every day of his life, having lived it to the fullest. The question is, Avraham grew up in a world of idolatry. In fact, according to the Rambam, Avraham only discovered monotheism at the age of 40. How could Avraham have been proud of each and every day that he lived, if a significant portion of them were steeped in idolatry and darkness?
The Rebbe provides a beautiful insight. Avraham mastered the art of looking at every one of those days of darkness, those times of turmoil, and saw them as building blocks for who he would eventually become. Avraham saw each day, each struggle as defining moments which would shape and mold him into his final form.
The darkness that he navigated became a catalyst for him to discover the light. Rabbi Yochanan’s message to Reish Lakish was that you’re looking at your past all wrong. It’s not a stain and a blemish that you should try and forget and ignore. It’s a part of why you were able to become the great sage.
Reish Lakish had compartmentalized his past and his present and therefore the past brought him pain. Rabbi Yochanan sought to reframe his past as a tool, as background, that had spurred him to greatness. In maariv, there’s a line that we recite: “Vehaser Satan milfaneinu umeyachareinu.” (Remove the satan from us, from before us, and from behind us.)
Now it’s self understood why we want to remove the satan from in front of us. We’re praying that we have no distractions and pitfalls in our way. But what does it mean to remove the satan from behind us? The Sutton behind us is when our past pulls us back. It reminds us of what we did once, of who we once were, and it challenges us, saying that we’re not who we make ourselves out to be.
But Avraham’s message, ba bayamim, is that our past is not something that we must ignore or forget. It’s an integral part of our journey. It leads us to who we are. Rather than see our life journey as disjointed and fragmented, let’s recognize that every twist and turn ultimately paved the path to our present self.
And this allows us to see our past and present as one harmonious whole, empowering and guiding us toward the future. Wishing you a wonderful Shabbo
